I FEEL MY AGE

So I really feel my age lately and it kinda sux. I “bit it” four times yesterday. Well.. that’s old BMX lingo for crashing, going down, gravity induced body skid… whatever you want to call it, this dude met the hard surface four friggin times yesterday morning in the stretch of less than a mile. Ice was covering ALL surfaces yesterday morning during my 5:50am sprint for the bus on my way to work. It’s not that I didn’t see the ice nor did I ignore it. Plain and simple, I attempted to ride it and I paid the price.

I still trust Cherry but there is only so much that she can do in “ice rink” conditions. It obviously helps tremendously that she’s a fixed gear. The principle being that one can slow down/stop with out brakes by applying back pressure onto the pedals. .. Think of it like this.. the difference between driving a manual tranny car vs. an automatic tranny car on ice/snow. The experienced drivers will tout that being able to manually downshift and thus slowdown on slick surfaces allows you much more control vs. applying the brakes on the slick stuff and white knuckling it until you slow down… yata yata yata going fixed is the way to go on the slick stuff. Then you ask… I thought Cherry wore studs? Well she does.. but I guess physics and gravity prevail some times. After each time the tires went out from under me I did inspect the ice.. I could see the deep scratches in the ice from the studs, ugh.. The first crash I friggin slid with cherry for about 15 feet. It’s a strange sensation to be sliding on the ice in the early morning quiet. I did luck out because no-one in their right mind was driving or walking in the chilly vicinity of Cherry and I. Thus I was all alone in my world of painful slaps onto the ice. Good thing too.. because the last crash caused me to yell “FU*K!!!!!!!” at the top of my lungs… not too proud of that but deep down inside the punk in me says “F it!.. These things happen” and it’s the only way the pissed off cry baby in me can cope with the frustration of freezing my ass off, slipping on the ice AND bashing my shin on the pedal all the while sliding into the curb and coming to an abrupt stop.

So. I feel my age.. I wanted to ride in today but first things first. I woke up at 5:10.. crawled outa bed and WOW.. I was stiff.. my shin is black and blue… my left bum cheek is sore as hell and my ribs are telling me to stay home and soak in the tub…. That said.. I got up and stretched for 30 minutes and couldn’t muster the will/strength to get on Cherry this morning let alone ride my indoor spin bike. Lest I forget I still have about 25 ~30 lbs to loose before July 12^th triple bypass ride. Ugh.. I’m hurting today and I am so feeling my age..

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not easily defeated and I WILL reach my goal.. but right now I gotta rely on my MIND & SPIRIT to give me a helping hand, because my BODY is sore and battered.

I am riding a nice 30mile training loop tomorrow morning. It will be the 1^st time this year that I’ll be on my circa 1995 Yeti road bike (also a classic and sought after by many a spandex wearing roadie..). Should be a lovely ride. She only weighs a mere 18lbs, climbs like a goat and runs like a cheetah. She’s fast, nimble and I think she’s jealous of Cherry getting all the attention as of late. I am hoping that my legs will notice the difference between a 30lb uphill ride and an 18lb race machine.

Yep.. I’m feeling old… and not to mention being Pissed that I’ll miss the Face to Face show in Cali, along with missing the local Bad Religion shows.. AND not having the $$$ to be able to see NOFX in Texas. Sux being in Denver sometimes.. the music scene is kinda lame and the older I get I seam to rely on good music to get me through the day. I kinda think of it as supporting the arts.. well old art I’d have to say because it’s obvious that these bands and I are roughly the same age.. thus I think we are all feeling our age.

Add-on.. I was listening to a live NOFX album yesterday (on the bus right after I bit it) and the song "I, Melvin" was being piped into my ears. I don’t know why nor do I care.. but listening to this song caused a stream of emotions with in me.. ranging from the pull of trying to hold on to youth, the stress of being a Father and Husband, and the trying to maintain my individuality…

I really don’t know how to articulate how I feel right now.. other than… I FEEL MY AGE.

NOFX LYRICS

"I, Melvin"

Mascara hides the sleepless nights
Years of abuse, the downs and highs
A lonely drunk staggers on stage
Weathered and worn, battered and broken, I feel my age
Like a puppet on strings, look he strums and he sings, I feel like a cartoon
I'm alone on the stage, I'm the man on the moon
I'm the deer in the headlights, I'm the fish in the bowl
I'm on automatic pilot, I am remote controlled
Just a second guitarist, playing on the 3rd string
I'm the disclaimer, I'm a walking routine
I'm happily a cog, stand me up, plug me in
Like a robot I play all the songs, with a grin
I am Eric Melvin
I am Eric Melvin
I am Eric Melvin

Be cool and always remember to stretch after you fall to the earth.
~Dan

Happy February, here’s the meditation for the month…

the true way to study zen is

not verbal. just open yourself

and give up everything.

whatever happens, whether

you think it good or bad,

study closely and see what

you find out. this is the

fundamental attitude.